Effect of chemotherapy: Infertility

[Mariana]

Some days I wonder what the point of this cancer could be other than to RUIN my life! I am supposedly fine now..yet I am still affected by it every day!  I never really mourned for the death of my fertility because..ah who knows...but I had always thought about adoption, even before I was married.  I don't know, it always touched me.  Then after cancer it became my ONLY option for a family...which was ok since I'd been wanting to do that anyway.  I guess I also helped myself deal with my infertility by "selling" the adoption idea to myself (if you will) by thinking of all the pros,ie. wouldn't have to go through childbirth, get fat ( I know, how silly!!!) etcetera.  Now that I'm looking into my adoption though..I've once again run into the stupid cancer as there are many programs that will not work with you if you've got a history of cancer.  Even though I understand the reasoning..it hurts nonetheless.  Ya know?  It's like Geez, what else will be taken away from me.  Like a punishment of some sort.  But whatever...I know I'll find my path, and when I do, my little child will be there with me.  Nice thought, huh?  In any case, It's a brand new day, the sun is shining on me ( even though it's a little dim somedays!) and I'm ALIVE!

[Arlene]

Hi Mariana, I went through infertility for 10 years. It was so inportant foor me to have children. I tried every new experiment there was. i travelled back and forth to boston for many of the latest and greatest new procedures. You name it, I did it. I had refused to give up. I come from a family of 15 and noone but me had this problem. I really got into a bad depression. It was really really bad. But anyways i keep plugging along and not giving up. This was the most inportant thing in my life. I went thru all types of surgerys but nothing was working. Even my husband had to go thru some kind to make his counts better. anyways . finally after 10 years i did get pregnent but was rushed to the hospital. I had a tubular pregnancy so they had to cut that tube. The other tube was usless. The doctor said it was all in knots. Anyways, to try to shorten this, That was enough for me. I filed for adoption. It was surpose to take about a year and a half but took 3 years for my first child. I have 2 children, both adopted from Colombia, SA.. I got my son 1st and my daughter 3 years later. they were both2 years old. They are now 18 and 14. They are the most beautiful thing in my life. If I would of known before going thru all that infertility mess that my children would be loved no different then having my own, I would have adopted from the start. I went thru really bad bad depression while going thru all this. I faked my way thru it all with the adoption agency. Dont ask me how but i did it. if they would have know that I was on meds for depression and times not even able to leave my house, im sure I wouldnt have qualified. If you need any sugestions on how to get thru all this procedure, fell free to call. maybe i can help u thru this and you will get your loving child you so dearly want. i know. Ive been there.My children are so beautiful. Hopefully there is a way for you. I know how much it means to want to be a mom. Writeback and if you want to talk, like I said, you can call me and maybe I can help. Keep your chin up. stay well, Arlene

[Cari]

WOW Mariana-you definately made me think!!  And Arlene--what a beautiful ending!!  I am so glad you adopted and that you have to wonderful children to fill your house and heart-that is GREAT!
Fertility issue has NEVER been addressed with me--My oncologist always says its a 50 50 chance and really won't go any further into it--I asked my gynecologist also and she said how did you know you could have kids before the chemo--WHAT???  Of course I could have kids before the chemo--so I always told myself that--but she is right--the chemo may or may not have made me infertile--
I like you and sooooo many others here want to have kids some day--I don't think I have gone through the grieving process yet because I don't even have a boyfriend at this time--from what I have been told its good to have someone of the opposite sex available hahah--I tell myself that when the times come I will go through the testing to see if it is possible and if not then adoption would also be the route I will take--
I know that cancer has TAKEN so much from us--but as Arlene states it can also lead us down a path and give us so much that we didn't expect--there are so many children in this world that need a loving home and your children will be so lucky to call you mom!!
Please keep us posted on how everything is coming along
Love to you!
Cari

[Jo Ann]

Mariana -

Here is a website that I found not too long ago for anyone who is facing this issue... I hope it helps...

http://www.fertilehope.org/

Fertile hope is non profit organization helping cancer patient's with infertility...

[John]

The infertility has scared me too.  i love kids.  Some doctor's said I would be ok, others werent sure, I got my levels tested and didn't want to find out te results yet, they have them, but I won't ask until I am ready to know... I don;t know, i always thought I would have kids and I know adoption is a great option, but I had always thought about seeing a little version of me giving ME hell!!! haha

[Michelle]

You never really said....what kind of testing have you done to see if you are not ovulating?  Have you seen a reproductive specialist? Do you still have all your 'parts'?  Maybe IVF would work....or if there are no viable eggs then maybe IVF with donor eggs?  (Coming from a CATHOLIC!!!---yikes----shhhhh...dont tell)

I just know that if my deepest desire were to have kids....nothing would get in my way....not some little egg or uterus problem. 

ALSO...it is so very important to remember that carrying a baby for 9 months does NOT make you a MOMMY.  Sleeping on the floor next to a child's bed all night because your afraid they are going to choke on thier own puke---THAT is what makes you a MOMMY.

Much love,
Michelle

[Anna]

Boy Mariana, I certainly empathize with your post! I too wonder how many more ways the cancer I had FIFTEEN years ago can ruin my life. I dealt with all the infertility, they couldn't even figure out what was wrong besides that fact that 6 months after I was done with my chemo treatment, I started bleeding about 20 out of 30 days a month, and nothing they did helped figure out why or stopped it. So I finally had to get an ablation done (which only helped somewhat) which left me unable to carry children. I struggled with this for years and years, and to be honest am still bitter about it.
BUT- I now have a 2 year old daughter, through gestational surrogacy because my eggs were still ok. My mother carried her for us! Anyway, it is possible, and although yes I still feel sad and sometimes empty about never being pregnant, I am so blessed I know to have my daughter. It WILL happen, you can be a mom one way or the other, just keep trying and don't give up!
But boy oh boy do I understand the bitterness of having to deal with all this in the first place.

[Iikka]

I was advised to bank sperm before I started chemo (I was 19), and was told that I would most likely not be fertile post-treatment.  I took the advice and did not really think much of it.  Now, I am 24, and found out a few months ago that I am incapable of fathering children.  Even though I knew it was likely, and am "prepared" for the situation, it still rocked me.  It is also something I have a hard time talking about with family and friends - especially since my peer group consists of twenty-somethings who would much rather grab a rum and coke than think about KIDS, ha.  I worry most that I will marry the woman on my dreams, and she will be unable or unwilling to deal with the "weirdness" and the non-traditional methods that would be required to let me be a father.  But, I guess there isn't much sense dwelling on it, eh? 

[Cathy]

Iikka,

I think any woman that wants to love and be with you will deal with the infertility issues.  You're a sweet, caring young man and I wish you all the best in finding that one special person.  Who knows, look at Cari, she is carrying the miracle baby now, so don't give up hope.  I'm glad you felt comfortable sharing with us.  It is a compliment that you posted your feelings.  Have a special, happy Thanksgiving!

Always,
Cathy

[Cari]

Hey Iikka,
I agree with Cathy-the girl that you fall in love with enough that you want to marry WILL be ok with any infertility issues that the two of you face.  even though baby wouldn't be made the conventional way you can still have LOTS of fun!!  In the end if you both want a family it won't matter how the family is made all that will matter is that you HAVE the family you were hoping for!
I think once you get that serious potential wife girlfriend you need to make sure that you are open with her.  I think you will find that she will be a lot more understanding-and like I said if kids is something that she wants as well--it is not going to matter how they got there!  You are very lucky that you were able to bank your little fellows so you still have the opportunity to fullfill one of your dreams! 
Your future wife will be very happy to have you and your kids!!!
HUGS to you!!
Cari