2006

[Mary]

January 1, 2006

This year may just be better than any other year.

Today I awoke with back pain. Almost instantly my brain produced a thought, “I hate waking up to pain everyday.” And immediately, I felt freedom from that thought, because this morning I did not wake up in pain everyday, I just woke up in pain today. And I thanked my lucky stars that I woke up in a warm home, with a loving husband, a precious cat, and medicines to take.

I woke up knowing that my family is safe, though far away. I woke up knowing that Jason and I have new goals for our year, goals that take us back to our beginnings and back to true life. I woke up to the God who has never left me. I woke up knowing that I can add joy to this day. There are so many opportunities and ways to do so. And then Jason read a chapter of the Dragonlance Chronicles to me, and we got up and had some granola.

We watched movies last night, the first time we’ve rented movies in at least 6 months. One of them was definitely a chick flick. There was a sick little girl in it who said something profound about stringing together the small good moments in life, valuing them, and letting them be more important than the negative things in life.

You see, as much as I like that new Goo Goo Dolls song, it’s not about us finding better days. It’s about us seeing and making more good in the days that we have. Can you see it that way? Better days is just a fairy tale, because no year will ever be perfect. One of us may deal with tragedy this year…so in a way, 2005 was better than 2006 for one of us. Or was it? Is happiness dependent on what happens, or on how we live?

My New Year's Resolutions? I am changing the way I live today.

This year may just be better than any other year, because I will add joy to each day.

And I refuse to carry anything from yesterday into today. But grace. And strength. And hope.

Happy New Year!

[Mariana]

Beautifully put.  Funny how a little change in perspective can make you feel so different!!!  I too want to make the most of every day in this new year and have so many goals for myself.  I vow to push myself to accomplish every one of them!  A year to better ourselves in more ways than one!  Happy new year everybody!

[Cari]

WOOOOHOOOOO to 2006~

[Randy W]

Wow Mary, I wish you could bottle some of that enthusiasm for life and ship it to Tennessee today!  Great post!!!

[Randy W]

OK, so we are now almost 3/4 of the way through 2006...  How would each of you rate the year so far?  Better than expected?  Harder than expected?  Time to take stock....

Personally, this year has been very difficult because of all the demands I feel on my time, but that should be a good thing right?  I mean it is great to be needed in so many ways...  I would have to say, that also I have become much closer with many of you that I was at the beginning of the year, which has been great!  Amazing to me that we can all lean so much on each other even though many of us have never even talked or met in person.  This is just another reason I LOVE the internet and all the communication opportunities it brings! 

Enough of that...  So really, how has your year been?  Just from what we know on the board there have been many great triumphs and losses this year. 

[Karen]

Welll let's see. . .

2004 - Major leg surgery
2005 - Major lung surgery
2006 - NO SURGERY!!!!

Need I say more?

[Randy W]

Yipeeeeeee Karen!!

[Cari]

WOOHOOO Karen--that does call for a great year! 
Hummmm good question Randy--this year has definately been flying by---can't keep up with that-  But has it been what I expected--not at all.....
I know this year I have had a harder time crossing over or out of the "treatment" patient and into the survivor world.  I don't like just floating out here--and I haven't quite got the skills to take this role on fully!  But I am working on it.
I did have a great time at camp and learned many things that I didn't even know I had issues with I guess that is a good thing.  Plus it was lots of fun to hang out with Char, Brian, Mary and Rachel for 5 days.
Still in way to much pain for my comfort level--I was hoping 2006 would be a better year for that--I do have 3 more months to go though--still hope!
I am realizing more that the world out there is scarey---I am having a hard time at work and have even gone as far as applying for new jobs then would become overwhelmed with emotion because how am I suppose to "walk" into an interview and not bring up the cancer issue when it is VERY obvious that I have something wrong with me----I realize more now that I can not HIDE--I can leave out the fact that I had cancer--but I can not HIDE the fact that I had it.  I am sure I pass people on the street everyday who have had cancer but you would never know unless you asked all of them--and technically people don't know that that is what is wrong with me--but people tend to ask--WHOA what happened--depends on the mood whether I bust out with the cancer card or not--it actually closes down the conversation usually so I have been using it a lot more.
OK just rambeling---So Randy to answer your question I am not really sure how this year is going!!  It is still a toss up!  Better than the previous, but not really sure if it is where I want to be in the future!   there is always room for growth--I hope to continue to grow---:)
HUGS