Meaningful Gifts for those dealing with bone cancer

[Mary]

Hey guys, I need your input! The more, the better!

It would be good to have a section on our site for friends and family. I am going to put together some information, so I will be asking for your input on various topics.

First, friends and family are always looking for ways to support us. I know that often just listening or being there is what we need, but I am sure there are some tangible things that people can do to support patients and survivors. Were there any gifts that were helpful for you during a phase of treatment or recovery? Were there any things that you had to buy for yourself that would have made good gifts?

Here are a couple things I've found that might make nice gifts, but we need more ideas!

During Treatment
A shaving party before the hair falls out, a fund raiser or a small gathering or a trip to the salon together
Funny or inspiring books or shows to watch on television
Gift certificates for a family outing if the patient has kids
Gift cards for gasoline or food and phone cards if the patient has to travel for treatment
Greeting cards or letters about what's going on in your life ("get well" cards don't always fit the situation!)
An ABC Survivors T-Shirt
A subscription to Cure Magazine (can be given for free)
A sarcoma event (like a local Team Sarcoma) held in the patient's honor

After Treatment
An end of treatment party!
An ABC Survivors T-Shirt
A subscription to Heal Magazine
Dancing in Limbo (a book about life after cancer)

For Caregivers during treatment
Assistance with childcare or meals, prearranged for a certain night each week or month
Elaine, Michelle, anyone else want to chime in on this one?

For Caregivers after a loss
Shall we add some things here? I would have to ask Michelle for input on this one.

If you can add some little things and some big things too, we can come up with tons of ideas. This will make up one section of a page that we could send to friends and family if they want to know more about what we're dealing with.

[Rene]

My sis in law picks up extra things for us at the store when she goes. Like a gallon of milk, cheese, sweets or one of the best was a pack of thank you cards. I really appreciate cards in the mail too. But I have to say visits or phone calls are the best for me.   

[Michelle]

I find that what was helpful was when people just DID something.....without asking WHAT would you like us to do.  Don't ask me----my mind can't wrap itself around one more question!  Things that I found most helpful during treatment was restaurant gift cards----pizza or someplace we could call and do curbside pick up.  The other thing would have been someone just calling and saying, "I would like to come by and watch the kids on X day---so you and your husband can get out."  I know it sounds silly----but there is something very different between A. Could we watch the kids sometimes and B. How about Friday?  With A. I have to come up with a plan---with B. I just need to leave.  LOL.  Don't ask me what you should make for a dinner----just make one.  Most people know that there are some things ALL kids like; pizza, mac n' cheese, chicken tenders.....it does not need to be filet of sole! 

Another thing----pictures.  If your coming over---Bring your camera and just take pictures.....don't ask, just do it. 

This is kind of on that subject but a little off.  One thing that we waited too long to do....have friends over for dinner.  Nothing special, just simple hot dogs would be fine.  We decided about three weeks before he died that we wanted to start doing that and only got to have two groups of friends over.....I would have done that weekly if I knew then what I know now.  I know that for a while we thought Chris was just too tired for visitors.....I wish that we would have done that anyways.  Even if he just layed on the couch while we sat around talking or watching the Red Sox.  The gift of time is a HUGE gift----for both the patient and those that give of their time.  TIME.  What a beautiful, wonderful gift. 

As far as after the loss.  I will have to get back to you on that.  Right now, all I can say is that nothing really helps.  Of course it is a rainy, dreary New England day----so I'll get back to you when the sun comes out.

Michelle

[Kaye]

Mary-

One thing I would have really loved was if someone came and did chores for me while my boyfriend worked.  He would drop me off at clinic, go to work, come pick me up, go back to work, and then come home around midnight and do it all again in the morning.  Oh yeah, and take care of me.  I couldn't cook because I had bad neuropathy, and I love cooking!  Laundry, forget about it.  Rough enough lugging myself around on crutches and chemo.  Especially cleaning.  No one likes to do it to begin with, but when you are immunosuppressed, it's not a good combo.  Grocery shopping.

Another thing, find someone that is a bulldog to help you with your finances.  There was no way that I could think straight about healthcare bills before chemo, let alone while on it.  And the chemo makes you soooo emotional.  Stacks of bills and emotional anguish do not go well at all!

Like Michelle said, don't ask, just do.  I would feel so guilty asking folks to help.  My thinking was "it's two of us, not one."  But we became such a one because of this.

[Cari]

I agree with the girls--Don't ask just do!!  I hated thinking about ANY question and I hated even more to ask for something.  When people just did things I felt as if they wanted to do , but when they asked I felt as though they thought they HAD to do it and then that made me feel guilty!  So in the words of NIKE  Just DO IT  hehehe

[Mary]

I created a FAQ based on your answers here. I hope I covered everything!

[Sara]

I don't know if I'm too late for this one, but the here are some gifts that were really great:

In the hospital:
I was freezing so my friend bought me little knit gloves, that still let my fingers be free. 
Earplugs and an eyepillow--both so helpful with the noise and lights!
Meditation/calming music

Recovering at home:
My amazing friend Megan organized a cooking chain, so someone different volunteered every week to bring me a couple different healthy dishes in tupperware that would last for several days worth of meals.  That was the BEST!  SO HELPFUL.

8 months later when I think most recovering people are forgotten about, she organized a fundraiser to help cover all the miscellaneous healthcare bills, physical therapy co-pays, and costs of flying back and forth from Denver to NYC to see my doc that were adding up.  It was a total suprise out of nowhere and an amazing gift.  It was also sent with a beautiful card with all the people's names listed who contributed.  The card is still on my refrigerator today.

Another great gift was a carepackage of delicious gourmet (and *mostly* health) snacks.